Friday 9 March 2012

Sex and The Great Outdoors



Even if you are not an outdoorsy kind of person, if you are dating over the course of a summer, you are likely to find yourself and your date communing with good old mother nature at some point. Even if roughing it means a cottage with a deck and boathouse rather than a tent on a backpacking trail, you will likely find many romantic moments as you enjoy the invigorating lift that being out in the country gives you. All the fresh air and sunsets are likely to boost your libido significantly, and get yourself and your partner in a sensual state of mind. The nights will also add their share of enjoyment as you sneak down to the water to skinny-dip under the full moon and the wash of stars in the milky-way. Likely all of these activities will result in 'sex in the wild'. There is however an element of health risk involved, so you should not just do the 'down and dirty' without being prepared. Big city living means that you do not have some of the natural resistance to bacteria that your cave dwelling ancestors did, so you must be more prepared than they were able to be.

Problem: Dirty Sex (And Not “Good” Dirty, Either)

You have to remember that when you’re camping, you’re going to get dirty. All those nature hikes and long walks will cover you in dirt. Normal outdoor activities like starting a fire, cooking over a campfire, cutting wood, and just the smoke and bug sprays leaves you a much less desirable person to be around from an intimacy point of view. No matter how amorous you might feel, the Hollywood movie version of an idyllic and loving camping trip or nature walk are unlikely to happen unless you take care of basic sanitation necessities. So there are a few recommendations. Wash up thoroughly before bedtime. When roughing it in the bush, take a container of 'wet wipes' with you to help keep yourself sanitary in your nether regions.

Solution: Wash As Much As Possible

There are ways around this pitfall, of course. Most parks have access to shower facilities, but sometimes these are overloaded, or sometimes you may not be close enough to avail ourselves of them. Go during off-peak hours when you’ll have some privacy – waiting until all the kids in the park are in bed is the perfect time to go. Sneak in there together, and get dirty after you’ve got clean. An added bonus is that the sound of the shower will mask most modest sex noises, and will provide easy clean-up when you’ve finished. Be prepared for some quizzical and accusing looks if there are people waiting for the shower when the two of you exit. Odds are you’ll still be in post-coital bliss, so you won’t mind much.

Problem:  Privacy

Tents are just not good at blocking sound. When you have sex at night, especially if one of you is a screamer, be prepared for anything from amusing looks or accusing looks from the campsites around you. In the worst case you may get a visit from the park authorities (and hopefully not in the middle of the act).

 Solution: Really Long-g-g Nature Hikes

This is likely the least embarrassing and most satisfying solution. It is really a sort of an intimate commune with nature. But first, you need to think about safety. First, watch out for wildlife – especially lions and tigers and bears – OH MY! – just kidding, but there are some animals that you have to consider depending on your region. Many areas have bears, but in the mountain regions, there are some cats that may cause concern. Most other meat eaters tend to shy away from people, but if you are in the deep south, you can run into reptiles that are not so pleasant. Nothing dampens the libido more than running for your life. Second, do not go on a long sex trek at night. Better to do it during the day, when wildlife is less prevalent, and you can see clearly as you run for you life if some scary animal shows up. Third, bring a pad or blanket to lay on so you can avoid getting dirt and bugs on you while you do the dirty. You should also let your camping buddies know where you are going in case you do not come back.  That way, if you are too exhausted after repeated sex and cannot make it back to the campsite, they can send the park rangers out for you.

So this summer, enjoy copious, carefree, camping coitus carefully!

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